September 28, 2005


read it if you want to, long entry. if not goodbye.

i'm upset today, thoroughly. i got back two of ma prelims paper, it was YUCK. i got 49.4[d7] for overall emath, 44.3[e8] for ma overall english. how sad. i been thinking what if fail more subjects like amaths, humanities and phy? five? HA.

i was upset yesterday, and together of today sadness, ma eyes went red. went to lot one just now, saw two of ma primary school friend, and ma eyes were red. ha. how stupid i look.

sometimes i been thinking, what's da use of being in e two when ur grades is like yuck? and i really get upset when ppl say: you e two de ma.. sure can de ar. does that really mean so? it isnt da class that prove, it is da amount of effort you put in.. and not da class you are in..

you know what made you even more sad when you are already v sad? your close ones. i didn dare to tell ma papa about ma result, i told ma brother about da marks and grades.. guess what he told me: aiya, you retake one ar.. jialat liao you.. still there daze.. DONT even let me see you using comp. how sad? i wanna tell him cos i tot he will console me and ask me to buck up, but he didn. i think ma dad sorta unhappy when i said ma result was bad.. he give that kind of face. can anybody answer me? hai. at first i pass ma maths by around one mark.. but i asked cher to deduct two marks cos she mark wrongly.. is being honest a fault?

another thing, ma bro borrow camera from me, at first i dont let cos i scare he lost it, or maybe spoilt it. i know i was selfish, but i use it with ma first pay to buy.. i think for quite sometime before i buy. is it wrong to become selfish? he told me if he make spoilt, he'll buy me a new one. i say a new one is different from da old one.. and i say i wont lend him. he say i'm supo selfish and having pms. duh. cant he understand? or maybe only i can understand ma OWN world.

i wanna prove to ma bro i'm not useless.. i will win him. i will get into a better course.. so what he's graduate from polytechnic? i know i didn work hard.. i didn mug hard.. but at least i tried. ..or maybe this is a dream ma bro is trying to wake me up.

i so how wanted a 'stand', a shoulder to cry.. to rely on. but now i see no one..

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